Autobiography of an Eternal Wannabe

In this season of endless biographies, authorized and unauthorized, and autobiographies,we are confronted with a precarious situation. Suneil Shetty is planning to release his autobiography “ The Eternal Wannabe”.

I have managed to lay my hands on the manuscript of the Preface to this book, using my far reaching contacts.. So read on as it might help you in knowing whats in store when you end up in the nearest Landmark Store to grab your copy

Preface

When my son Aahan brought me his English Homework book, and asked me to read his essay ‘Autobiography of a two rupee note’, my thoughts began to wander. Am I not worth even two rupees, for no one has even thought about a biography on me. Not to feel utterly disappointed, I took it upon myself to show the world who Suneil Shetty is.

My sincere thanks to the Bollywood producers who have refused to queue up in front of my house, with offers, for that has given me all the time in the world to finish this work. I have divided this book into two broad phases of my life- namely Being Sunil, and Being Suneil.

This book captures very little of my childhood, because I presume that when people are positively uninterested about me when I am a veteran Bollywood actor, their interest in my childhood can be no better.

The Eternal Wannabe is a vehicle in which I am going to take you through the journey of my career path, from the days when I wanted to be the number 1 action hero, before Akshay stormed his way into the scene, and then moves on to the days when I wanted to be a wholesome actor , before Aamir and Shah Rukh took over. And the journey doesn’t stop there.

Then I wanted to be a comedy actor, after the miracle hit Hera Pheri , before all three mentioned above took away the shine from me. I even touch upon the phase when I wanted to be a sought after villain after Main Hoon Na.
It then takes you through the most successful phase of my life, which is acting as the m+nth hero of any movie, and use Bollywood as a cash cow and not as a medium to attain glory.

Come, join me in this event filled journey and you will have the ride of your life.

Forever Yours,
Suneil

Lecture From the Sun to a Son

I had to get up and travel to the city real early today morning for an appointment. It was such a pleasant sight to see the sun real bright as early as 6:30.And this is what the Sun had to tell me, to ensure that I enjoy every moment of this spring...

Where were you yesterday morning
Were you hiding under the blanket?
Where were you yesterday morning
Were you still dreaming big time ?

I wait for you every morning
To get a glimpse of the fresh you
And you fail to meet me
When I am young and bright

I don’t want to leave you
In the influence of the dark
So I illuminate your world
Shining through the Moon

Has there ever been a day
When I have failed to rise
Seen the best and the worst
But never shrunk or shrugged

Its time for you to wake up
Enjoy the genuine brightness
Soak up in the real warmth
And liven up your own world!

A favour for Rahul -Part II

We continue on some more FAQs that will help Rahul meet the press with a straight bat in WC 2007!

MC: The toss was very crucial for this important match….

Scenario 1: Rahul wins the toss, elects to bat and bats out the opposition from the match

Rahul: Of course, in big games like these, you would love to have a little bit of luck going your way,and yes, the toss was very vital, as we were far more comfortable in bat out the opposition out of the match, then chase a total on this pitch.

Scenario 2: Rahul loses the toss, chases and wins the match

Rahul: The result should be determined by the team that emerges stronger in any given situation, and I don’t think the toss really has an impact on the outcome of the match.

MC: So how important is Tendulkar factor for the Men in Blue

Scenario 1: Sachin has scored a stunning run a ball 80 that has helped India win against Pakistan

Rahul: The effect of Sachin’s presence can never be explained in words. He simply lifts the morale of the side, and has an aura that keeps the team buoyant, and more he plays more the team gains

Scenario2: Sachin has been sent back home because of tennis elbow injury relapse and India lose to Pakistan

Rahul: Well, Sachin is a great player in his own right, but I think each one of us have to understand our responsibility and play to the full of our potential. Only then can the team click in the long run (*And you thot I will say Sachin is a thing of the past like what Veeru said about Dhaadha.. Sorry*)

MC: Irfan Pathan at Number 3. Is it still a unanimous ‘think tank’ decision?

Scenario 1: Irfan scores a match winning half century in an otherwise low scoring game

Rahul: Yes, We have fixed the slot for him, and as an all rounder he is only emerging with more promise after every outing (*just don’t think about his eight previous failures during this reply*)

Scenario 2: Irfan fails miserably at number 3, for the third time, and his bowling is also impacted because of this

Rahul: Well, Irfan is young and extremely talented. The world is not going to end after this World Cup for him. We are grooming him for the WC 2011, and what better stage than this to work on all permutations available as far as he is concerned (*I am tired of Irfan bashing.. may be this will keep the media silent for atleast two and a half years*)

So my friends, as you can all see, I am really investing time to help out Rahul with his media management, so that he can fully focus on his cricket and his on field thought leadership, rather than increasing wrinkles on his forehead fretting about the next round of media bashing. Wish me luck in this endeavour!

Punch Pandi's plea: In the absence of innovative stroke play or innovative captaincy, I only wish Dravid atleast develops an innovative media plan, and not make it so predictable, in the absence of which, I will not watch even the half a dozen matches that I watch them play.

A favour for Rahul

After seeing the Indian Cricket Team lose convincingly to the Aussies, I had a rather disturbed sleep. The only silver lining in my sleep was when Rahul Dravid came in my dream and asked me to be his ‘media managing’ mentor during India’s World Cup 2007 campaign. Though I am not sure how long the tourney will last in the tournament , I am taking the task very seriously believe it or not, I have already started to pen an FAQ manual for the Captain of the Boyz in Blue(s).


Question 1:

MC: So what do you think is the main reason for the defeat?

Situation 1 : India has not played in a one day for about two months prior to the tournament.

Rahul: Since this is the first gane in two months, the players were a bit rusted, and we are only bound to improve after a few games

Situation 2: India has played a couple of unwarranted triangulars before the start of the WC

Rahul: We have had a lot of cricket in the last two months, and it is just that the boys are feeling a bit jaded. We are looking forward to the three day break before we take on Kenya, which is a critical encounter

Question2

MC: So, what do you think the morale of the team is going to be ahead of the crucial match against Pakistan?

Situation 1: India has had a thumping victory against Kenya in the previous match

Rahul: Well, you know, it is always important to have a win under your belt before you take on the big names in the tournament, so the morale would be upbeat, and the boys are ready for the challenge

Situation 2: Kenya sets up the first upset in the tournament beating India by 4 wickets

Rahul: Well, you know, it really doesn’t matter what happened in the previous match. This is cricket, you lose some and win some. So it is imperative to take each match in isolation and concentrate hard. The boys morale would be positive by the time the match starts. No two ways about it.

Question 3:

MC: Congrats on a great performance. Your century really helped India post that big score which was beyond the reach of the

Situation 1: Rahul opens the innings with Sachin

Rahul: When you have 300+ as the target you are looking to set for the opposition, the openers must set up the contest and that is precisely what I did. When the openers set the ball rolling, it is easier for the middle order to capitalize on the start

Situation 2: Rahul has batted at number 5 and scores the century

Rahul: For a big score, it is extremely important that the middle order comes to the party irrespective of the start the openers had given. That is why we have seven batsmen and not just two…(*to end with a ‘gotcha’ kinda smile*)

To be continued…

Jis Des mein Yarra Behethi Hei

Sometimes in pusrsuit of the abstract,the tangibles turn invisible. Just to ensure that we are not lost in profound thoughts on this blog, here goes a small poem on Melbourne, the city that is currently sponsoring my daily bread...

Paanch Gali ka Shehar Hei
Beech mein Yarra Nadhi Hei
Swasth Hawa Masth Jagah
Ye He Melbourne Meri Jaan

Dhin Mein Poora Kaam
Shaam Ko Thoda Guppa
Jiyo Zindagi Aman Se
Ye He Melbourne Meri Jaan

Har Dhin Mein Chaar Mousam
Chaaron Or Dikhegi Hariyali
Kitne Baag aur Kitne Maidhan
Ye He Melbourne Meri Jaan

Jahaan Dekho Romance Hei
Khel Khood mein Shauk Hei
Faltoo Chinta Karna Joke Hei
Ye He Melbourne Meri Jaan

Not all choices are no-brainers

Game for some senti stuff?.. then read on.. if you think you dont want to spoil the weekend with a heavy read, you can keep this for Monday.. it might be a bit light compared to work!

God works overtime most time of the year, deciding for you, who one's parents should be, who is destined to be born as your brother or sister, and even has dedicated staff working for him in this place called heaven, where they are busy making matches. So technically, you don’t even land up choosing your spouse, though you think you have taken part in the exercise.

So having done all this, he goes on a vacation once in a while, and he lets it open for his creations to choose people to populate the space designated for friends. So here we are trying desperately to figure out,
who could fit the bill as your best friend from whom you can take his /her pencil in school without his/her permission,
the chosen one with whom you can share a bite of your lunch,
the one with whom you can go the cinema after bunking college,
share secrets about your crushes,
the one whose shoulders you can take for granted to lean on when in need
the one whom you are confident would place the relationship above personal interests

And man, do we succeed in this simple task…. I cant talk on behalf of any one else, but I think the friend has a responsibility greater than that of any parent, brother, sister or a cousin, as this relationship has not been thrust on you by The Almighty, but one is gifted this supreme role by someone who is just like you, the chosen one…..

Punch Pandi Speak: Friends may be taken for granted, but not friendship

50 Not Out..

This is post number 50 on vaaman… and it’s a milestone that gives me a decent level of satisfaction, and I hope I have given you a little bit of variety and an element of unpredictability as to what my new post would cover.

I sincerely thank you for taking time off to visit my blog irrespective of how regularly you do this, and I only hope that I can entertain you enough to bring you back on to this page, and manage to leave a frown in your face, when you don’t find an update.

The blogging platform has helped me lots in knowing new people and making new friends. Blogging has opened my eyes to views others hold on topics, that I think deserve atleast 500 words of web space. It has also made me read the posts of fellow bloggers, and it certainly helps to know what fellow common man thinks and not just what the Netas say that they are thinking.

Its been a pleasure presenting my thoughts to you, and I shall do all that I can, to keep this going, and keep raising the bar as we progress in this journey

Well begun is half done, but unless it is fully done, the result is better than none (This part of unwarranted filasafee is brought to you by Arun :) )

Cheers!

Birthdays and the Elusive extra toffee

Today I had this pleasant and unique experience of chatting simultaneously with two of my ‘jigree’ dosths who wore their birthday dresses to school on the same day ,14 years ago!

On that note here is yet another attempt to transport you through this small journey into early school life… “Nyaabagam Varudhe Part III”

My birthday falls in end of April, and so, I never had the opportunity to go to school wearing the newly bought dress on my birthdays. But that doesn’t stop one’s excitement when it is any of the class mate’s birthdays.

The pride that the b’day baby’s face exuded, the suspense factor of what toffee was in store, and which class the sweets would be distributed were just some of the highlights.

If two classmates celebrate their birthday on the same day, even better. One toffee is finished pre lunch and the other in the second half. And that is the day when the kid wins new friends, as the classmates are hopeful of getting that extra caramel chocolate in the second interval from out of the reserves stored in the side pocket of the school bag!

And the birthday kids are no less shaane.. They use this as an opportunity and go that extra mile and offer one extra chocolate to please their favourite teacher.. “ Please take one more, Miss” .. If only the teachers were kind enough to acknowledge this and knock off a few blackmarks off the kids’ names…

Waiting for another spark to be aroused to embark on “Nyaabagam Varudhe Part IV”.. This is, after all the season of sequels in Bollywood too..